A failed marriage opens up to a greater love

- Why is this happening to me?
- Little by little the birth of a new life
- A greater love

I have been married for 31 years and I have three children who are adults now, and I have a 5 year-old grandchild.

I met my husband when I was 16 years old and he was 22. We immediately fell in love because we had so many things in common. We shared an interest in art, but above all, we shared our faith. We married and our three children arrived in the space of three and a half years.

My husband was a freelance graphic designer and he dedicated himself totally to the research of avant-garde techniques. It was difficult to make a breakthrough in the market in Italy, so we decided to emigrate to Canada, a young nation which promised a good future.

We quickly overcame the initial difficulties involved in settling into a new country. But I noticed that my husband was becoming more and more dissatisfied. I could see that he was tense and restless and I felt that a barrier began to grow between us.

I didn’t have to wait long before he told me the truth: he wanted to be free to dedicate himself exclusively to art. He wanted to leave the family which he felt was a burden to him. In actual fact, another woman had come into his life. He made up his mind to go and live with her, so one day he just left.

It’s impossible for me to express in words the utter devastation I felt. I found my whole world collapsing around me: I was alone, suddenly deprived of the most beautiful thing that I felt we had built together, totally numb. Waves of rebellion engulfed me and I felt like shouting out to the world: "Why, why should this happen to me?"

And then, an echo of another "why" rose to the surface of my mind. It was the "why" of the dying Jesus who cried out: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Several years previous to this I had discovered, in a moment of light, that "why" when I met the spirituality of the Focolare Movement and at that time it had transformed my personal life.

Suddenly it hit me that I wasn’t alone in crying out my "why". Jesus too, in the moment of his abandonment, felt alone, humiliated and betrayed as he took upon himself even this suffering of mine. Who in this world could ever love me more than this? And little by little I began to accept my new situation.

The children were disoriented by the absence of their father. I had to fill that emptiness with great tenderness, even if at times I was experiencing anguish in my heart.

On a practical level I was faced with many decisions. I stayed in Canada for a few more months in the hope of rebuilding my family, but my husband’s choice was irrevocable, and so eventually I decided to return to Italy.

We left with only four suitcases and a promise to the children that one day we would have all the things we lacked. I felt that I could promise them this not because I was counting on my own strength, but because I trusted in God who was our Father. I was certain that he would not abandon us.

The initial period alternated between raised hopes and disappointments as I searched for work. Then, thanks to a person of the Focolare Movement, I was offered a good job which allowed me to earn enough money to adequately support my family.

The love that I received from those around me helped me not to focus solely on living for my children, but to open up to other people I met at work, in the neighbourhood, in the wider community. I felt I wanted to give, to put my talents to use again.

Twenty years have passed since that time. Looking back, I have to admit that bringing up a family alone is not without its difficulties. How often have I wished I could share with my husband the doubts, the problems, the children’s vocational choices, or even the special moments of joy such as First Communion days, the children’s achievements, the birth of the first grandchild…

However, I can say with certainty that believing in God’s love, being able to turn to him, gives me light, strength and the desire to be love for those around me. And in the giving of myself, I find inner peace and fulfilment as a person.